My Struggle for Meaning
These creations occupy a liminal space between sense and non-sense. The lines have been randomly culled from social media. The juxtapositions are both startling and aesthetically pleasing.
Coming Home
Nothing more delicious than the sensation of satisfying Ms. Wakeham.
In her superbly appointed dining room with her rubenesque servant
Officiating the feast, the table replete with meat and legumes
Harlequins and paladins dancing wildly on the parquet.
Those were the days my friend.
You ought to know what your personality says about how long you'll live.
China's illegal organ-harvesting trade is booming.
I have tips for recovery from mental illness.
Time has melted away my sins, and yet
A voice of agony shrieks aloud wicked lies,
While the wind of centuries seeks to destroy me.
What does it really mean to lose your virginity?
The question you really need to stop asking people you've just met:
Have you thought about the good life lately?
After All This Time
Sitting on my terrace
I found the answer to that math problem everyone's talking about
And realized nine things I’m doing wrong in the shower.
Walking across Alexanderplatz
I saw a frozen chicken truck burst into flames after collision with a milk truck
And realized I'm now ready for a commitment after years of hot sex.
Standing on the subway platform
I decided rejecting torture is the right thing to do
And realized what lewd messages are hidden in advertisements.
Drinking in the airport bar
I pondered the most pleasant way to respond to negative people
And realized why we need a global approach to tackling the illegal wildlife trade.
Dreaming in my bed
I felt the images I saw proved how crazy the world has become
And realized why you shouldn't make taffy or pump iron with your vagina.
Listening to you
I heard if I would just lose five pounds, I would be beautiful
And realized, it's so easy, really, to miss your own life.
An Interview
After her son’s debut at the cabaret
She began telling us of her dreams for him to become a star,
Never using the word impossible.
Her words described a future happy life.
A life in which you know how to stay asleep all night,
How you can get the body of a Victoria's Secret Angel,
How you can identify three things that happen right before a heart attack,
And learn surprising uses for petroleum jelly.
She then dipped into the magazine she had been reading
Spoke of quinces and apricots and nectarines.
Her suite at Claridge’s hadn’t been to her liking, she said.
She said English has so many obscure words.
It was surprising that anybody ever understood anything, she said.
She said a simple exercise could pull you out of a sadness rut.
Into a Sea of Verdure
After a thousand celestial years
Great energy and asceticism begat him,
Fearlessly we received him into our arms.
However,
The note about his arrival will actually be in Helen's handwriting.
Were you fond of her?
I will explain the words she is using incorrectly
And define bizarre but useful words you should start using immediately.
Then I will show you the red flags never to ignore when dating.
I put it to you as if it were a matter of character
But you behave like a Brutus of antiquity
Very crudely.
All this took place not far from the national golf links
I heard it was on the beach...
As I recall there were floundering fish and struggling seagulls.
My Internet Nightmare II
Smoking instead of eating,
Gloom alone remained
Pierced by shafts of blazing light.
What you said to me took me aback.
Who, after all, has better taste?
I knew the tiny crystal phial was three parts full.
The medicine made me sleep and—
The warehouse burned down in the night.
The feeling of our last union was exceedingly odd,
A combination of lover and old friend
You’ve got those qualities so cherished by so many
Like a public park.
You can boost your chances of having a healthy brain later in life
An unexpected benefit to eating less.